No "kidding"!

Rubbing my hands together, writing this one after looooong!

That's us :)

Disclaimer: This blog was written before my wedding last December and is not associated with the fact that I am now happily married to the guy I loved for the more than four years. 

Now, this could be another of those blogs you see out there where people try to make a person out of you. But it is not. I am not all old and experienced to pass that kind of wisdom, but I am going to voice my opinion anyway.

At times when I walk into a church, or any other prayer place, I pray and ask for a lot of things. And then in the end, like some miss world contestant, I ask for world peace. LOL. Well everyone wants it; if they don't, they should. Suddenly a big white dove will not come to bring us peace; we have to walk towards it. You see I happen to be a person believing in equality of man and woman (aka, and stereotyped as "feminist") , and I happen to have a vision. If world peace is a building, then gender equality is one of the lowest levels of the building, forming the support system. I believe it is one very important factor that could solve some other problems the world is facing today - like education for all, nations waging war in the name of religion, country, and what not. And eventually, it will lead to world peace ;) You'd wonder where am I going with this - hold your horses fellas. I want to pointedly point out that it is humans against humans here, so we know each others' strengths and weaknesses and can empathize. And since it is humans we are dealing with, we can safely say that all humans were once innocent kids who didn't get the right kind of teaching, and/or made the wrong kind of choices. Anywho. So, what is stopping gender equality from permeating? There are laws, barriers, like rabid extremists who want to push their beliefs on everyone disrespecting others' personal space, uneducated people who will never know and never pass on such wisdom to their kids, people who live hand-to-mouth, people who teach their tiny tots to throw themselves in front of moving cars just enough to prove a fake accident so that the parents can demand money from the car drivers (yes, seen this happen not long ago in Mumbai), or the thousands who are looking for a safe country to call it their home. And we don't know which problem to address first - it all is such a goop!

Well, it is a complicated mesh and IMHO, one solution may help us. And the solution is free, and can be implemented right at home. The apparatus required are guardians/parents and kids. They are easy to come by in India :D What to do when you have the apparatus? Begin by understanding the gravity of the statement - The future belongs to the kids, our kids. They will walk this earth tomorrow. And we have to enable them to thrive. To do this, I believe raising them right will help us solve problems at all levels - family, religion, country, continent, and even cosmic. So what does raising right mean? A part of it means raising them neutral to gender, religion, nation, etc. I am saying that they should be proud of their gender, their religion, their country, their family, their thoughts; but they should not hold it above or below anyone else's.

 

At this moment, babies is the topic of interest in my circles. Everyone is planning to have one or two of their own. That means so many opportunities of creating good, balanced people walking the earth tomorrow. And opportunities of getting a kidney donated to you from your kid, if at all you require it in your old age - so thinks a dear friend. That's one of her reasons to have kids - building an organ farm :D Other reasons people give include having a representative of your family in tomorrow's world, or the love of having tiny tots around, or to deflect marital frustrations and rebuild relationship with your spouse using the baby, or having your own tiny people to rule and love, or because of elders and peer pressure, and so on. Just the love you feel for your spouse now should not blind you to have kids that are part you and part your spouse. It's a cute thought - but shallow I dare say. Kids are a big deal. They are little people with opinions and thoughts. You got to treat them right. In this age, we are weaponized with a lot of info, and there is so much thought you can put into "to have or not to have" and make a balanced decision. There are a lot of params to be considered and I urge you to dig deep before you swing either way. Today I am not talking about "not to have"; maybe a blog later. Coming back "to have" - I think bearing children is a choice. If you decide not to, don't believe it if people call you selfish. In fact you are saving someone's life from becoming miserable if you cant be the ideal parent. Also, the fact that the definition of ideal would differ between what your parents, your kids, your siblings, grandparents, your friends or anyone you ask have hasn't slipped my mind. So if you are ready to be judged, compared, eager to accept the lifestyle change, can afford, and most importantly, give the right upbringing, then go ahead, get pregnant.

A kid is a big, big responsibility. You are creating a person, and you have to shape this person. Now you may teach the kid about good and bad, religion, gender, etc. But your views will be biased, because they are your views. Your kid will follow a religion because you follow it. No objection to this, I have faith in my religion, but that doesn't mean I treat other religions to be any lesser. It is going to take a long time to achieve religion-respecting population. Today's is a society that thrives on conflicts and seeks safety in numbers. Its going to take years to change that, but it can be changed at lowest grain in your own home. Same about gender equality. Your kid may see the mother as a caregiver only, but not equal to the father. I didn't have it easy being flanked by two brothers on either side. I was a special blessing, and nothing extraordinary was expected out of me. But I have never been a step behind my brothers in anything. You can start by breaking chains like these at home. Even if they are small day-to-day things and not some path-breaking, news-making acts, it will help. Because little things will go a long way in the life of your kids, and our society. You never know what incidents from their childhood they will remember. And this thought haunts me. That is why it is a big responsibility and you should not undertake it if you are not sure that you will give your kid what is necessary to be a successful nextgen person. 

But if you believe you can be an ideal parent, and so you have a kid, and it happens to be a baby boy, you must teach him to respect women at all costs. That is the bottomline. The kind of company your child will keep while growing up will be difficult to track. Friends are bound to be made, not everyone will come from a balanced house. But if the principles embedded within are strong, maybe the kid can change his/her uncouth friends. I was reading about an actress who publicly told that she was sexually harassed when she was younger. People (mostly men) commented that she deserved it, in foul words. She was just a college student then, just like your daughter or sister would be, and she didn't deserve it; nobody does.

The next generation will be smarter than us. We have to enable our kids to live with confidence in a global environment. Teach them to decide for themselves, and to stand by their decisions. Teach them to take the blame if they choose wrong, because they will have to face the repercussions. Treat them like a person, because they are a person with brains and heart. Your child may grow up, be very ambitious as you may have taught it to be, and then move to other countries for a career, better lifestyle, or whatever reason. You have to enable your child to mix along with people of all races and countries. That is why it is important to teach children to respect everyone around, their beliefs, their thoughts. Knowing few things and believing only in them is restricting your choices. It's a wide, wide world. There are so many things, and in the whole timeline of all that was and will be, your life of 80 years is but a dot. Don't waste it by not exploring, by not learning something new everyday.

Some may think this is too "western", and we know how to raise our kids. But there you are already deciding on someone else's behalf. The moment your kid understands, no matter what you tell them, they will use their mind and their brain to decide for themselves. You can only give your opinion, but it is up to them to act on it or not. You cannot decide for them, you cannot be responsible for their actions. The only thing you can do is to raise them right, raise them neutral to gender, religions, castes, nations, continents.

 
I didn't mean to write such a lengthy essay, but it is binding on me to pass on what I think you would also think is right!

Cheers!
Lily

Lessons of life

They say fame is fickle. Life is fickle too. 

One second some road side romeo decides to overtake a lassie (this was me) from her right, not looking that there is some other dude trying to overtake this romeo. Result is a fatal accident. Little did the guy know that trying to get smart by overtaking would be THE DECISION of his life, the final decision.

Sickening example, but heck, its an advice for free. Just take it. 

The recent incline in the cost of fuel should preclude such silly adventures guys take just for hitting on girls. I would be surprised if I read this blog after a couple of years, knowing that the cost of petrol then was 80ish buck per liter. How cheap was fuel!

Anyway, I'm digressing in my own blog.

So what made me write this tonight?

Below is a picture clicked during my college degree. We were a gang of 5 girls who stuck together through the 4 years of engineering. We all were ambitious, like everybody is while stepping out of college. We had our ideas about what we would be doing 'x' years down the line, about how we can improve factor 'y' of the society, how to prove that we are no less than guys around, and how to bring world peace. We all used to resonate at the same frequency.

Now glance at the girl in the extreme left.

Brainy, sassy and philosophical; these were her prime features. Her health started deteriorating after college. We all used to buzz her up once in a while between our new-found schedules made busy by our respective offices, and ask how things were, and visit her at times. Recently, we decided to surprise her some day. Come every weekend, someone or the other had some priority errand to be run, which canceled our visit to her place. This way we deferred this visit for 3 months, till we zeroed in on 26th of Jan 2012. Important fact: she lived 2 blocks from my place. 

So as 26th was nearing, we started to make a concrete plan about what all to do, and what to do for her. On the 24th, while I was driving to office, I got the news of her sad demise. A strong mix of feelings was building up inside, which was let out when we all gathered around her body. Such a folly we had committed; I had committed. She lived at a distance reachable in 7 minutes from my house and I still didnt take a step forward. And we sat around her, seeking an answer from her cold body that why had she not informed us, asked us to hurry.

She had suffered from a mild but fatal heart attack right after her 2nd dialysis that week. 

We all met up to celebrate her birthday today. Her parents have no offspring now. We went to her place, visited her parents, ate, talked, had a good time. We didn't sit and mourn over the past. We have vowed to do that every year now, as long as we can. Her death has bound us tighter in many ways.

There is a direct relation between folly and its impact on your life. Now I make it a point to visit all those who matter in my life, not withholding myself for reasons like we'll cross roads someday, or hiding behind a task whose urgency was raised to a magnitude greater than my intent of visiting this person. Take a leaf out of my book, my friends. These moments of life are fleeting past you.

That traffic cop

Easiest way for pocketing cash, if you are a traffic cop: Find a junction, where there are routes running out in every direction, and atleast one of them is not allowed to be taken by vehicles. Now, verify that the No-entry board has been put up where it is hardly visible for the regular commuters, and then stand there, with a receipt book, which will hardly be used, since the money is going to your pockets directly. Simple way, innit? Now, if you see that the board is a bit in proper visibility range of the commuters, just change the location of this board, use your ‘vardi ki taakat’ if you need to. You are a cop, you rule the streets!

You find roots missing here? Let me tell you about it.
Saturday evening, 21st, I am hurrying to reach a place in time. There is this road I regularly take, which bifurcates into 2 roads, that are complementary, and thus make an angle of 90 degrees each with the main road; exact ‘T’ junction. Left turn here was previously allowed. Then they decide to make it a one-way. So a board is put up, at the centre of the ‘----‘ in ‘T’, ie, on the plain wall straight ahead. Being in hurry, I do not see the sign which is way far from where a commuter will be taking a left turn. I do see cops standing at every turn in the T junction and I wonder why. Looking around trying to see why people are asked to bring their vehicles to a screeching halt, I see the board, which is at least 50m away from me, and at a height of circa 50m from the ground level there. So this cop asks me to stop, and show my license, which I promptly do, and that son of a gun handed me over a ticket, charging me 100 bucks, instantly!

The cop went on to stop other 2 fellows who were just about to turn left. I had started to see red. I went up to this ‘Dabanng’ type cop (with a Raybon goggle), my mind set for a heated dispute which I knew would ensue, and began explaining my point which was that the board was too tiny seen from this position. The text and the symbol on the board were not visible, when one is taking a left turn here. I stood there, explaining the niceties about taking a left turn, to a MALE cop. Why would one be looking diagonally opposite when one has to turn left, and thus endanger one’s life, as it is only the left side from where one could be bumped into? The cops tell me that the board is of standard size, and so is the text, and symbol written on it. Fine, accepted. But how about the point where the board will be put up? Can’t it be placed on the left side itself, where people who are turning left can see it and stop there? Especially for a corner where left turn was previously legal, it would be ideal to have the board on the left, as people who regularly commute, can spot it easily. The brusque cop tells me that people anyways don’t glance around and look for or follow traffic rules unless there are cops around. This is a country where rules have to be enforced.

I, being a law-abiding citizen of my beloved country (ahem), retaliated saying that I do not look around for rules written on boards when cops are around, and so is the case with many other ‘jagruk’ citizens; you can go show that uniform and its worth to the rest. The cop glared at me, and told me that this road has been a No-Left allowed ab initio. As far as I could remember, (‘far’ here was just last week) I had ridden on this road, and I had seen arrows drawn in white on this road going towards both the sides. When I fed him this piece of info, he challenged me right away, Barney Stinson-style, and said ‘Challenge Accepted! Show me the arrows’, with a glint in his eye. I was a bit diffident here, because he looked and sounded very confident about the fact that there are no arrows there, and the reason is that this street has been a one-way all the while, though people never followed he rule. Nonetheless, I led him to the spot where I had seen the arrows, and to my relief, they were just there! I smirked and I told him that all I want is that the sign be put up at the most ideal location, wherever we have the need.

We walked back to my bike, where he handed back my license. For some further drama, I gave him the hundred bucks, in front of a nice audience, and told him to use the money for uprooting the board to put it up in the right place. With a smile, I left that place. Take a leaf of outta my book, fellas, and also, carry your license!

Life past 26/11

Hello there

The 26/11 of the year 2009 is quite memorable for me. Why? Read what my thoughts were on this day-

Me, in the morning: 26/11 of the year 2008 was a black day in the history of our country. Every person can relate to this incident, and such other catastrophes in their own way. On one side, there are survivors, some are witnesses, some are relatives, some are insurgent fellow country beings, and some are just people whose hearts go out for the martyrs. On the other side are the fiends who committed the heinous cataclysm., actively, and passively. Some are existing who are of the opinion that they are not on any of these sides, and their conscience allows them to be so....no words for such category....Nonetheless, I want to accentuate that it is not just such issues that can help one rub shoulders with people around him/her. It is high time that we consider existing commonalities as the binding string around us, and be united. We do not need another 26/11 for that.

Me, in d noon: My mommy had been out to visit her parents, so I was kinda incharge of the house for 3 days, starting from 24th to 26th, and a fact about me is that I totally suck in the kitchen. When I was cooking, I was just adding whatever I could lay my hands on, and my guinea pigs were my family members, who were swallowing every morsel for the love of me. Chopping onions and tomatoes was replaced by grinding onions in a paste in the mixer, and ketchup, respectively. So, no more tears :)

Me, in d afternoon: After finishing my chores on 26th, I resorted to my pc, and started with my routine there. Chatted with a dear friend, who is undergoing her training stint in Mysore for a software company> She had decided to show her emotions by donating blood. Done with that, she fainted, got 2 stitches on her chin, and numerous wounds. Why did she have to be such a heroine, huh?

Me, in d evening: After spending good 4 hours staring into the face of my facebook and orkut accounts, etc, the hour my mom was to arrive reached, and brought with it some mindblowing news : My offer letter had arrived. I was too daft to react in any way....I opened the letter and was staring at it as if it were written in Latin. It just could not sink into me, totally thick of me!

Only after my beloved people read it for me could I understand that I was supposed to join office on 1st Jan @ Pune. My 6 month long wait was over, n my joy was seamless. My glee was multiplied by 'n' for every person congratulating me for the news, where 'n' this time was any integer i chose. it was my happy time, my happy place. In my ecstasy, I even forgot to acknowledge the receipt of my dear offer letter.

A week went past in a whirl, did loads of shopping, hanging out, enjoyed a lot; true to the last-month-of-freedom-feel thingy that I used to hear before. Got so many gifts from my near ones, who felt truly happy for me. So now I had a stack of most eligible books for reading, a collection of movies to watch, and a month of time in hand! And with the sound of Jingle Bells approaching, I was readying for the last Christmas wherein I would be so carefree. Perfect!!!!

Soon after I divided my time into slots for these tasks priority wise, my manager decided to give an assignment to be completed in the time before I join, and submit the report the day I join. Whoa man! What a killer!!

So now I am here, sitting and studying even more :(

Nonetheless, I am more than waiting for this year to finish, so I can embark onto my journey as a pro on the Day 1 of 2010. Goodbye 2009, you were wonderful!

Me n my boredom

Hey friends

How does it feel to sit home all day, waiting for a new company to come for off or on campus placement, or your offer letters to come, or your joining dates to arrive? Very touchy question naa?

After my exams got over, on 7th June, I felt like a free bird...had done with my engineering, and now, I had all the time in the world to do whatever I could not do when I was jailed in for 4 years. So started my new routine: just enjoying life. No rules to follow, no submissions to take care of, no attendance to maintain...well, I had no issues with my attendance in any of my engg semesters, I had above 90% attendance in each sem....silly of me, cuz minimum 75% was mandatory, and I exceeded the limit by a staggering 15-20%!

Anyway, I had a very nice time, hanging around with my friends, reading fiction, trying new music, watching movies, and most importantly, social networking. If I was not out, then I was sticking to my PC. All my friends who were placed into some company, like me, and awaiting DOJ used to meet up online, and talk about any company that gave out joining, and then used to cuss the company that we were placed into. Come Wednesday, and we used to hunt for any new openings in Times Ascent. We all used to try our luck wherever we could. We had formed this nice coterie, and used to keep each others hopes high, and ears open for new openings.

Results came out on 17th August, and nothing changed in my routine. I was just a graduate unemployed person now, with least priority assigned in a house where everybody was busy with their life, and I had nothing to keep me busy.

Soon it became bugging to just do nothing. I was so used to always having a book weighing some 0.5 kg plus ( I studied from reference books, all those firangi authors u know....) under my nose that my fiction books barely filled the void. Going out meant that I was supposed have to answer questions like 'wassup?'. And the mundane answer used to be 'waiting'....Low ebbs were common there after. There used to many rumours afloat about my company this, n my company that. I had to keep these subservient news aside, and just be positive, as others would advise me. But the implodings could not be controlled... People from all around the globe used to advice me that this is the best time of my life and that I should make the most of it, and that this time wont ever visit me again. But it is easier said than done. Had my date of joining been definite, my definition of enjoyment would have multiplied by 'n', where 'n' was any integer greater than 4.

Somebody said unto me that talent, if unused, becomes rusty....it was gory to listen to....but nous. So my hanging-in-the-between friends, keep going, and dont bend to subjective rumours. See you all busy soon :)