No "kidding"!

Rubbing my hands together, writing this one after looooong!

That's us :)

Disclaimer: This blog was written before my wedding last December and is not associated with the fact that I am now happily married to the guy I loved for the more than four years. 

Now, this could be another of those blogs you see out there where people try to make a person out of you. But it is not. I am not all old and experienced to pass that kind of wisdom, but I am going to voice my opinion anyway.

At times when I walk into a church, or any other prayer place, I pray and ask for a lot of things. And then in the end, like some miss world contestant, I ask for world peace. LOL. Well everyone wants it; if they don't, they should. Suddenly a big white dove will not come to bring us peace; we have to walk towards it. You see I happen to be a person believing in equality of man and woman (aka, and stereotyped as "feminist") , and I happen to have a vision. If world peace is a building, then gender equality is one of the lowest levels of the building, forming the support system. I believe it is one very important factor that could solve some other problems the world is facing today - like education for all, nations waging war in the name of religion, country, and what not. And eventually, it will lead to world peace ;) You'd wonder where am I going with this - hold your horses fellas. I want to pointedly point out that it is humans against humans here, so we know each others' strengths and weaknesses and can empathize. And since it is humans we are dealing with, we can safely say that all humans were once innocent kids who didn't get the right kind of teaching, and/or made the wrong kind of choices. Anywho. So, what is stopping gender equality from permeating? There are laws, barriers, like rabid extremists who want to push their beliefs on everyone disrespecting others' personal space, uneducated people who will never know and never pass on such wisdom to their kids, people who live hand-to-mouth, people who teach their tiny tots to throw themselves in front of moving cars just enough to prove a fake accident so that the parents can demand money from the car drivers (yes, seen this happen not long ago in Mumbai), or the thousands who are looking for a safe country to call it their home. And we don't know which problem to address first - it all is such a goop!

Well, it is a complicated mesh and IMHO, one solution may help us. And the solution is free, and can be implemented right at home. The apparatus required are guardians/parents and kids. They are easy to come by in India :D What to do when you have the apparatus? Begin by understanding the gravity of the statement - The future belongs to the kids, our kids. They will walk this earth tomorrow. And we have to enable them to thrive. To do this, I believe raising them right will help us solve problems at all levels - family, religion, country, continent, and even cosmic. So what does raising right mean? A part of it means raising them neutral to gender, religion, nation, etc. I am saying that they should be proud of their gender, their religion, their country, their family, their thoughts; but they should not hold it above or below anyone else's.

 

At this moment, babies is the topic of interest in my circles. Everyone is planning to have one or two of their own. That means so many opportunities of creating good, balanced people walking the earth tomorrow. And opportunities of getting a kidney donated to you from your kid, if at all you require it in your old age - so thinks a dear friend. That's one of her reasons to have kids - building an organ farm :D Other reasons people give include having a representative of your family in tomorrow's world, or the love of having tiny tots around, or to deflect marital frustrations and rebuild relationship with your spouse using the baby, or having your own tiny people to rule and love, or because of elders and peer pressure, and so on. Just the love you feel for your spouse now should not blind you to have kids that are part you and part your spouse. It's a cute thought - but shallow I dare say. Kids are a big deal. They are little people with opinions and thoughts. You got to treat them right. In this age, we are weaponized with a lot of info, and there is so much thought you can put into "to have or not to have" and make a balanced decision. There are a lot of params to be considered and I urge you to dig deep before you swing either way. Today I am not talking about "not to have"; maybe a blog later. Coming back "to have" - I think bearing children is a choice. If you decide not to, don't believe it if people call you selfish. In fact you are saving someone's life from becoming miserable if you cant be the ideal parent. Also, the fact that the definition of ideal would differ between what your parents, your kids, your siblings, grandparents, your friends or anyone you ask have hasn't slipped my mind. So if you are ready to be judged, compared, eager to accept the lifestyle change, can afford, and most importantly, give the right upbringing, then go ahead, get pregnant.

A kid is a big, big responsibility. You are creating a person, and you have to shape this person. Now you may teach the kid about good and bad, religion, gender, etc. But your views will be biased, because they are your views. Your kid will follow a religion because you follow it. No objection to this, I have faith in my religion, but that doesn't mean I treat other religions to be any lesser. It is going to take a long time to achieve religion-respecting population. Today's is a society that thrives on conflicts and seeks safety in numbers. Its going to take years to change that, but it can be changed at lowest grain in your own home. Same about gender equality. Your kid may see the mother as a caregiver only, but not equal to the father. I didn't have it easy being flanked by two brothers on either side. I was a special blessing, and nothing extraordinary was expected out of me. But I have never been a step behind my brothers in anything. You can start by breaking chains like these at home. Even if they are small day-to-day things and not some path-breaking, news-making acts, it will help. Because little things will go a long way in the life of your kids, and our society. You never know what incidents from their childhood they will remember. And this thought haunts me. That is why it is a big responsibility and you should not undertake it if you are not sure that you will give your kid what is necessary to be a successful nextgen person. 

But if you believe you can be an ideal parent, and so you have a kid, and it happens to be a baby boy, you must teach him to respect women at all costs. That is the bottomline. The kind of company your child will keep while growing up will be difficult to track. Friends are bound to be made, not everyone will come from a balanced house. But if the principles embedded within are strong, maybe the kid can change his/her uncouth friends. I was reading about an actress who publicly told that she was sexually harassed when she was younger. People (mostly men) commented that she deserved it, in foul words. She was just a college student then, just like your daughter or sister would be, and she didn't deserve it; nobody does.

The next generation will be smarter than us. We have to enable our kids to live with confidence in a global environment. Teach them to decide for themselves, and to stand by their decisions. Teach them to take the blame if they choose wrong, because they will have to face the repercussions. Treat them like a person, because they are a person with brains and heart. Your child may grow up, be very ambitious as you may have taught it to be, and then move to other countries for a career, better lifestyle, or whatever reason. You have to enable your child to mix along with people of all races and countries. That is why it is important to teach children to respect everyone around, their beliefs, their thoughts. Knowing few things and believing only in them is restricting your choices. It's a wide, wide world. There are so many things, and in the whole timeline of all that was and will be, your life of 80 years is but a dot. Don't waste it by not exploring, by not learning something new everyday.

Some may think this is too "western", and we know how to raise our kids. But there you are already deciding on someone else's behalf. The moment your kid understands, no matter what you tell them, they will use their mind and their brain to decide for themselves. You can only give your opinion, but it is up to them to act on it or not. You cannot decide for them, you cannot be responsible for their actions. The only thing you can do is to raise them right, raise them neutral to gender, religions, castes, nations, continents.

 
I didn't mean to write such a lengthy essay, but it is binding on me to pass on what I think you would also think is right!

Cheers!
Lily